One of the questions in tonight’s RCIA class: How strong is my faith in God?
It’s like a very young child – not a mature faith, but a complete faith. I trust God, like a child trusts its parents. I’ve always felt like God was there with me, even during my years of unbelief, waiting, nudging me, helping me “toddle along” in my spiritual growth.
I remember when I was very young, in my childhood church, learning “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, with all thy heart, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength, and thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” I remember thinking, “Well, that first part is easy.” Because I knew I loved God so very much, as much as I was able. And that love, adoration, was always in the background of my prayers.
We went to church every Sunday when I was little, and I didn’t “act up” because I loved the music, and during the rest of the service I would gaze at the large stained glass window at the front of the church and just sat there loving God and loving being in that place. Church was truly a sanctuary for me. The stained glass window was of an abstract design, no particular scene being portrayed, kind of like this one below, and the church was light and airy, so beautiful.
I’m trying not to lament the years that I “strayed from the faith”, because I know that I had to work with myself where I was at, but I am so happy to be back, loving God with all the strength I’m able! That much hasn’t changed… 🙂
Now, if the question had been “How strong is my faith in Jesus?” that would be a different matter altogether. As I mentioned in a previous post, throughout my childhood, even though I was raised a Christian, I rarely thought or spoke about Jesus, and really directed my prayers to God. We studied the New Testament, of course, and the church focused on Jesus, but in my own inner spiritual life, all of that kind of rolled off me, didn’t stick, for whatever reason. So this is something I have to work on, and right now I’m praying the Divine Mercy chaplet daily, and hope soon to do Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, now that I’ve started going to church.
So, perhaps I have a strong trust, but neither a mature faith, nor even a particularly Christian faith at the moment. So I have a long but exciting, joyous path ahead of me…